Butterfly Kisses

 As children, we leaned close to our friend’s cheek and fluttered our eyelashes. That produced a very light, soft touch that we called a butterfly kiss. We also rubbed noses and that was called an Eskimo kiss. Of course, that was before TV.

Sometimes a soft, light touch is a wonderful expression of love. Whether it is a sweet smile, flowers, a phone call, a small gift or a thank you note, it can light up my day. Or your day. Or our day.

I received so many brief messages of love from people last week that it was as if many, many butterflies dropped by long enough to delight me with a kiss. It reminded me of being a child and feeling as though all is well and all will be well. Thank you for your kind words.

Being willing to show another person that we care for them brings a big payoff for very little expenditure of energy. It is easy for some and a true talent. Those people light up our lives without even knowing it.

Some people never seem to learn how to show that they care. They may feel love but they don’t express it with a light touch. Life would be wonderful if we all  learned to dust others with butterfly kisses.

Not only does letting others know we care about them make the recipient feel good, it also draws happiness toward the person giving the gift.

The beauty of a butterfly kiss is that it is a deft touch, both delighting and surprising the recipient. It isn’t an opening move in a bargain. Nor is it the first clause in a contract. Butterfly kisses are not promises of undying devotion, simply a sweet moment of appreciation.

When we discover that someone is thinking of us or remembering a good time we had together, we are delighted but it is a momentary pleasure. It is not a promise of lifelong commitment. It is simply an expression of love that flies in the window, lights on your shoulder for a moment and moves on.

Developing a light touch in relationships is a good idea. We cause ourselves pain when we think that love means getting to keep everyone by our sides forever. So much difficulty in life comes from having unrealistic expectations of others. Loving someone does not mean doing everything they want you to. Nor does it mean that you get to own them.

Since I have had the honor of being a Religious Science teacher for many years, I have received many butterfly kisses from people who were in my life and then moved on. I didn’t need to keep them all forever. I am always pleased to hear they are doing well. I am happy they have touched in for a moment and then flown away to their new lives.

It does not feel like loss to let them go. My ambition was never to keep them as appendages, but to help them find their own path. As any good teacher or parent knows, success is seeing the younger ones emerge from the cocoon and be their own beautiful selves.

Even happily married, long time committed couples find they must have other friendships to keep their lives open and alive. Those light and bright relationships with friends at work or church mean a lot because they allow us to find common ground with someone other than our mate.

Monogamous relationships often find it is simpler to stick with friendships between their same sex but we all need more than one good relationship. Men have bonded with each other over sports events and women have chatted in the kitchen from time immemorial. While we may not use the words love, we can still let the other people in our lives know they are appreciated.

Usually, we look for friends who allow us to express some aspect of our character that our mates don’t share. While it’s hard to imagine my son-in-law’s motorcycle club saying they love each other, they obviously enjoy the laughter and fascination with travel that they share. A good laugh or a clap on the back is a kind of butterfly kiss.

This week, ask yourself how you express your love to friends and family? Do you find ways to let people know you care for them? Do you send people articles in the news you think they will enjoy? Do you make it a point to call once in a while? How about inviting someone to do something with you? These are all expressions that are light, deft touches of love.

Take a look at your relationships. What do the words, “I love you,” mean to you? Do you have the ability to enjoy a relationship with someone else and not insist that the other person be in agreement all the time? I hope so because no one has exactly the same experiences that you have. If you only want friends who are exactly like you, that will be painful. You are unique.

Many people are heavy handed in relationships. Even simple friendships take on aspects of melodrama when you are stuck in the 7th grader behavior of “best friends”. Life is rich and full with plenty of people who can be one of your best friends if you open up to the joy of diversity.

I think sometimes we are afraid to express our pleasant, loving feelings for one another because we are afraid that too much will be expected. The art of telling someone you care for them without agreeing to be best friends forever can be developed with practice.

Begin by thinking of butterflies. They don’t sign on for a lifetime when they land on your shoulder or onto the nearest flower. They light, flutter, bring joy and love and then fly on to the next stop. That doesn’t make them shallow, it makes them beautiful creatures who bring joy for a moment and move on.

Ask Yourself

Would I like more friends?

Did I receive any butterfly kisses this week?

Shall I send a butterfly kiss to anyone today?

What new acknowledgement of my love can I express today?

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10 Comments on “Butterfly Kisses”

  1. Geofrey Layng says:

    Every day I send you “spiritual kisses” that expand your consciousness of Divine Love.
    Geoff

  2. Mary Beth Speer says:

    Dear Jane –

    So funny – I JUST gave Michael a butterfly kiss last week – in 17+ years, I’m thinking it’s the first time I’ve done it (since I had to explain it to him!) They were routine with my son while he was growing up.

    Very glad you are feeling better. Happy Thanksgiving – and Thanks be – for YOU!

    Love,

    Mary Beth

    _____

  3. Jane Pool says:

    I really appreciate your thoughts as always, especially after listening to all the bitterness and dissension of the recent election campaign. Two of my very dearest longtime – and now long-distance – friends both routinely vote Republican. I love them and respect them too much to ever discuss politics with them but I wonder how can they possibly do so. But I could never let our differing opinions come between us. Isn’t it great that such can be the case. Would that the whole world could respect our differences and forget about wars.
    Looking forward to seeing you all well again on Sunday.
    Love to you,
    Jane

  4. janeclaypool says:

    Always a pleasure to light on your shoulder, my dear.
    Love,
    Jane

  5. Doris Palardy says:

    As always thank you for this blog. It provokes thought and warm feelings
    Love Doris

  6. joyfulrev1@gmail.com says:

    Thank you Jane!

    Sent from my iPad

  7. Terry Drew Karanen/CSLCV says:

    Hi Jane,

    Having a “catch-up” Saturday and just read your blog below.

    Loved the whole thing, but what stood out for me was the 7th-grade drama around “best friends.” I remember being so driven to have this one other boy in our congregation to be my best friend. He did, eventually, but I smothered him right out of my life.

    I don’t do that anymore with people, but I was hard-pressed recently to come up with an answer to someone when they asked if I had a “best friend.” I don’t, which seems odd since I’m in a triad relationship with two other men, both of whom I love greatly. I have a number of people, including you, to whom I can call, write or see for various types of support, yet not anyone I have as who I would call my best friend.

    Seems odd to me. Yet, it doesn’t seem to be bothering me either. I feel comfortable where I am and that’s more than many can say.

    With love,
    Terry

    • janeclaypool says:

      Hi Terry,
      One of the things about growing up is to find out that the simple solutions don’t always fit a complicated world. The beauty of life is its complexity and diverstiy. I am glad that you count me as one of your many friends. Love to you and yours,
      Jane


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